This is what I do

Almost 11 months ago I walked out the front door of a career. I never knew what it would be like. I just knew it would be better. I had walked in that door so many times when I didn't want to. Often times running out the door because I didn't want to stay. Over and over I did it though. Kept going back to that world that I didn't belong in.

People often asked "what are you going to do?", I would usually answer pretty easily, "Not this".

I would get asked what I am going to do for a job.

They didn't get it.

There comes a fine line in working for the machine that I reached. I worked for that system for more than half my life. The time in the military and the time working for the feds in the prison. Almost 27 years of my time spent working for them. I hit my breaking point long ago but settled until I could leave.

Towards the end of my career, I stopped working for the machine so much and started working with the people instead. I would spend hours each day walking around the prison. Talking to people. Not working for the machine. I wanted to know the actual people that were there with me. Nobody likes working for the machine, they just do it. They go in day after day month after month for years. Just going through the motions the machine tells them to do. Robots working for a system. I broke down.

So now, each morning, I wake up and make coffee. I grind my own beans. I boil the water and I pour it over the coffee. I spend my time doing that. I sit back and think of a card. This card today. I let my mind go where ever it wants to go. I sit down with my coffee and watch the birds gather their morning meal. I sip my coffee and gather my morning thoughts. I write them down on my laptop and I share them with you.

This is what I do. Not for some machine. For myself. I enjoy my coffee. I enjoy my morning animals. I enjoy writing here.

I am fortunate that I don't have to work for that machine anymore. I did my time in the trenches. Now the machine can work for me. I do understand that the machine still pays my bills though and from what I have gathered about the machine, it doesn't like to pay things that no longer work for it. So I am riding this one out until the machine fails me once again and tries to pull me back into its flame filled dungeons. For now, my pen is my sword, my mind and emotions the battle, I hope to never have to be a slave for that system again.

This is what I do